Valentines Day and Loneliness
I'm back! After quite a long time away. This is the start of a new era, as I don't feel any need to pay homage to the past me. Even if the Me that I was 6 months ago isn't much different, I still want to be an ever-growing person, and it would be nice if my blog reflected that.
It's nice to have a break from photos and come back to them - your fresh perspective can lift the heavy criticism from your opinion. I think that is true for a lot of things in life.
The title of this post is Valentines Day and Loneliness, which sometimes doesn't go together. But I'm not going to default to the easy route of saying "This is what I'm wearing for my Valentines date and I think it's great!" because anybody can post photos of themselves and call it a blog. I strive to be different and deeper.
Loneliness is a real thing that happens to a lot more people than I think we are aware of. It's fascinating how isolating it can be, whether you are in happy relationships and friendships and can't see (or won't see) the people around you that aren't in the state that you are, or there can't possibly be anyone that is as lonely as you are.
I don't need to explain how it feels, we've all felt like there's no one to run to in a flash of panic, or have had the desire to laugh with someone until a late hour and not been able to connect with anyone that way. It's tough with social media making sure that we always allegedly have less friends than the next person. There's no end to the squads and bffs - and it's poisonous to get into the habit of thinking "They have their Someone, and I just don't." Their mentions of plans and outings become like barbed reminders of how you didn't receive an invitation.
When I found myself in this situation earlier this year I tried to turn to the age old advice of my mother who said "If you want to have a good friend, you need be a good friend." but there's no recipe for being a good friend when your good friendship is returned with "haha yeah" and no invitation for further discussion. Hyper communication between millennials can be just as destructive as productive.
It takes a lot of self reflection to decide what part of yourself isn't the "good friend" material. I grew bitter and full of tension and strife; I wanted some pals that knew me deeply and who I could depend on, someone who could trust me to hold them up in the hard times. Aren't I trustworthy enough? What about me is a turnoff? How can I be an even better friend to people? What's the recipe?
I still don't know the answer, I don't know what makes a good friend any more than either they have a lot of money, or they're the kind of person that's made of sugar and pour all their heart into people, often heading to disappointment or hardship. I don't know! Loneliness has the power to break a person apart. I'm sorry if this is the way you feel today or yesterday, I empathize with you. To be ironic, you aren't alone :)
This story might have a happy ending, relationships I've tried to invest in have shown blue sky lately. I think maybe my mom was right; but only time will tell. Valentines Day is a time where all the memes complain about being alone and all the people complain about the cold. Really, we should be going out there and trying to give, give, give to others. They are lonely too.
Thanks for reading, my dears!
|//Dress: Ross Dress for Less//Hat: Farmers Market//Lipstick: Maybelline Kissproof//|
Of course this time of year I'll be giving you a love song!
I hope you like cheese.