Honesty and Beauty

Dear Readers,

This was a tough outfit to post, and it took even more courage to wear it. My photographer, Christine did a really great job of taking flattering pictures, but the truth is I really don't like the way this jumpsuit looks on me. 

Some of the pictures are lovely, I'll admit. But walking through my day and trying to be confident in how I looked took a lot of strength. I know I shouldn't care about my outward appearance as much as I do, but unfortunately my brain is curated towards wanting to be as pretty as possible. It sucks. I wish it wasn't. 

Something was brought to my attention a few weeks ago that I had never realized before. In talking with a few friends about my fashion and my personality, I discovered that they immediately paired my dressing up on a daily basis with a strongly confident attitude that I must have. They assumed that since I dressed with style, with courage, and with fancier things, that I was missing the gene of insecurity that comes with almost every woman these days. 

Unfortunately no, this is not true. Some days, (like the days I wear this jumpsuit,) it's the opposite. I don't know how dressing well has influenced my insecurities, but it has not given me a get-out-of-jail-free card for lacking confidence. I'm still really awkward at parties and in adult conversations. I feel really obnoxious when I talk in social settings. I don't know how to be chill about people doing things that make me uncomfortable. 

Wearing this outfit is hard to do because I feel like a large, jiggly woman. It takes effort to leave my house wearing it. I have to convince myself. When a person tells me they like it, I wonder why. And as part of my passion for changing the way women interact with each other about physical appearances (no more "omggg i love ur dress! and i look like poop today :/" or "gosh i wish i could look like you!") I try to be honest with anyone who addresses my outfit. I say "Actually, it took a lot of effort to wear this today." and I don't act like I can just easybreezybeautifulCovergirl and walk out the door feeling like a million bucks. That's not how it works in my head. I don't know a woman who can do that. 

I'm getting away with myself here. The thing that I want to communicate the most is although I might dress differently, I think the same as you. I don't have it all together. Some days I hate my body, some days I love my curves. Nice outfits help, but do not fall into the trap of thinking cute clothes solve insecurities. They do not. I am insecure. 

It's okay though. We're all in this together, and it's actually okay to not have confidence in what you look like, because if you find your identity in your appearance, it becomes an empty and shallow pursuit. You will become an individual that falters before beauty standards and cannot be fulfilled. There is definitely more to life and I don't want to run a fashion blog that ignores this fact. 

So just be aware, that when a girl wears a dress, it's not because she can conquer the world. It's because she's willing to try despite everything in her path, even her own mind. 

//Jumpsuit: Ricki's (on sale!)//Clutch: Chapters (on sale!)//Scarf: thrifted//

I'm going to give you a song that has been a big part of my growing up years, as it was the first album I picked out for myself. I listened to it on repeat so many times, no one in my family wanted to hear it anymore. But it speaks truth and I hope each one of my readers can find courage, confidence, and inspiration in things other than their outward appearances. You guys are wonderful :) 

Love, Natasha